Arriving to Panama City , on the flight from Buenos Aires, February 2020

I will not lie. I miss travelling, I miss it a lot! Eight weeks of the lockdown is becoming burdensome to my mind and makes me anxious and miserable. I miss being around people, I miss discovering, I miss challenges, I miss TRAVELLING! Yet, I am accepting that I will need lots of patience before things will start falling into its place, whatever 'its place' is going to mean in the future. However painful, I am also accepting that I may not be able to have a chance to meeting my loved ones, or visit the places that I consider to be home for a long time, perhaps even not in 2020. I do not like the thought of it, but I am slowly getting adjusted to a the concept that I will not visit Poland, Portugal or Canada in months to come.

It is interesting how the whole COVID-19 situation has challenged me… I consider myself to be a person, who is not too concerned with certain inconveniences which a lot of other people may be very uncomfortable with. I am not concerned with the physical pain that much, falling sick, or getting injured. The last decade or so has taught me to learn how to live in places where there are wars or conflicts. I think that I am able to find a balance and thrive in conditions that are trying. This however is only true, as long as I have people around me, and have a freedom to move around (even if not large distance). COVID-19 confinement is teaching me though that I am poorly prepared to live on my own, and live without the lifestyle that I have developed for myself.

Travelling, being with people, doing humanitarian work defines what I am, and has allowed me cultivate my identity. I still disagree with and hate the idea that someone or something may take it away from me…Yet, whether I like it or not, it is happening now! I am stripped from the essence of what I adore, and it hits me! I hope that what is happening in my life is not a permanent reality, but then, deep inside, I know that it is a wake-up call, it is an opportunity that I am given by life so that I can take steps to wean off from my dependency I am living. One thing that I have learnt is that it is good to have options and not allow yourself to be reliant on something that prevents you from appreciating other opportunities that may be around you. COVID-19 is proving that I have messed up here massively. I am beginning to comprehend that I may have put too much on my energy to some very limited passions, and have pushed myself to the corner with no way out. It is not a comforting realisation and I still do not know how to deal with it, how to move forward. Some first ideas are formulating in my mind, though. These are bleak, and far too feeble to share them at this stage. Not because I do not want to, but rather I am unable to do so. It is still too early to contemplate something in a way that would make sense to me, let alone to anyone else. The only hope I have at this stage, is that I will take a chance that I am being offered!

On a completely different note: good news is reaching me from Toronto! Tahir is writing that he is re-starting his professional assignment again. As of today, he is going back to work, where he is going to be involved in organising deliveries of medical supplies to hospitals and medical centres across Canada. Needless to say that I am very proud of him!