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Discouraged and disheartened by Poland

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Some of you must have noticed how critical I have been of my own country for quite some time. It is hard to be so, as naturally Poland has been home for me for all these years. It is the place where I was born, the place whose culture influenced me, it is the place of wonderful sites and breathtaking nature. Finally I own to Poland so much. I owe to that country my education and that fact that I am still alive, as the Polish doctors made miracles to help me overcome my multiple illnesses. Finally, it is the place where my family and friends live, and after all, it is the place, which I used to call home… 

Despite all of this, we have been drifting apart. Although it is not just a matter of last few months or year, the recent developments in Poland have pushed my levels of acceptance of xenophobia to the limits. Month by month, I hear the speech of hatred towards foreigners, gay, non-Catholics, non-Whites coming not only from common people, but from Catholic Church leaders and politicians holding the most prominent functions in the country. I hear claims of Poland’s superiority over the others. I see the growing acceptance to organisations promoting the White Supremacy. This makes me sad and scared. What I find the worse is that our Prime Minister, our President, various ministers of our government keep on verbally attacking and demonising all sorts of minorities, and keep on blaming them for all evil imaginable. This has hurt meand has made me feel uncomfortable. Week by week, month by month my passion for Poland has been evaporating. I have tried ‘fighting’ these negative feelings, I have tried challenging myself, tried explaining to myself that ‘I am biased’ and that ‘perhaps I exaggerate’.

Then a day before yesterday, Manchester happened. Sad and tragic event for all of us in the world. And as so many people try to calm the emotions down, try coming to terms and heal, our Prime Minister unequivocally points her finger at refugees: suggesting that opening your hearts to misery of victims of wars equals weak character and is an invitation to terror. 

I appreciate the fears, I appreciate a fact that governments have responsibility to keep us as safe, but I can’t accept victimisation of the most vulnerable and the defenceless. I despite lack of courage to show leadership and solidarity with those who need to be helped. We have responsibilities to fight terror, but we can not fight terror by imposing terror onto others. 

The speech of our PM has completely broke me. It broke me beyond repair. However little pride that I had left in me for being Polish was taken away from me yesterday. 24th May 2017 changed me, it made me lose any sympathy for Poland, it made me lose my willingness to give this country another try. Yesterday, the words of my PM made me feel unwelcome and unwanted by my own country. 

It hurt, but it made me feel better too. Understanding that Poland is not a place for me, made me feel liberated to some extent. I thought that it was better for me, and for the people that I so much disagree with to part and try finding peace away from one another. 

Many of my family and my friends will remain in Poland and I will surely be visiting them so I can cherish their lives. I may even be forced to return to Poland, as I will not be able to arrange my home elsewhere. It may well be, but Poland will never feel home again. 

While I wish all the best to the country that offered me opportunities, that looked after me, that helped me grow, it is time to say good bye. 

It is time to try doing whatever it takes to start arranging a new place. Surely, it will not be easy and perhaps it will not be possible, but  I am determined to succeed. I have now decided to become a voluntary refugee and wii try making some foreign land to becoming my home. I hope to find peace somewhere and I hope that Poland will be prosperous and successful too. 


Back to Bangkok

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My longer deployment in Bangladesh is coming to its end. I have just returned to Bangkok, and resuming my previous responsibilities, e.g.: following on the humanitarian situation in South East and South Asian countries, rather than Bangladesh only. I will still be travelling to Dhaka from time to time, but for shorter period, and supporting our local team there, rather than heading the office of Bangladesh. 

It is good to be back home here in Bangkok and reconnect with Tahir. Lots of exciting prospects with his educations are coming up, and it will be nice to be able to participate in these in one or another way. 

At the end of the week, I am travelling to Europe again. I will spend a week in Belgium (for work) and then 6 days in Poland, where I will be visiting my family. As my dad is now in hospital, I am especially looking forward to seeing him soon!

Not a good beginning of May

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May 2017 is not bringing great news, so far. Dad is really sick. His cancer seems to be back, and the prognosis is not that optimistic at all. 

The house that we were interested in Portugal was bought by another person, we have just learnt. Shame, as I was so eager and excited about it. Now, we are going to be pursuing a possibility of buying the second choice house. Still in Obidos, still wonderful, but clearly not as wonderful as the first one!

Poland does not fail depressing me. Recent celebrations of national constitution just mercilessly expose that nationalism and xenophobia are strong in the country. This places scares me, and disappoints me. I feel hurt by my own country.

I am clearly sad today.

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